Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Around here, we are slowly healing after the boy's father was killed in July.  My boy is totally amazing me with how well he has handled this tragedy. 

In response to this summer's events, I wrote this:

I believe in helium balloons. Not as in, I think you don’t believe they exist, but I believe they hold power. Consider a child the first time they see a balloon floating above them. Their eyes light up, they reach for this colorful floating ball…it’s like magic. Helium balloons are a universal sign of parties and fun times.
However, for me, they are a sign of letting go. Remember that kiddo with his or her first balloon? What usually happens? That’s right, they let go and it’s gone forever. Tears follow, promises of a new balloon…whatever it takes at the time. But what if we looked at the floating balloon as a letting go of the negative in our lives? Letting go of sadness, anger, resentment, poor self esteem, doubts and anything else we are dragging along with us. Maybe by finally letting loose our tightly held fist and allowing our balloons of negativity to float away we will finally find ourselves free?

Yesterday, my Sisterchicks and I released red balloons into the sky to honor a very special little boy. We sent our messages of love and longing up to Daniel in heaven. We also, little by little, every year, release some of our sadness at his passing, our anger at missing out on moments with him, our regrets of things left unsaid or undone. Each year, these balloons free us a little more.

Next year, on July 2nd, I will release a balloon into the air to honor another life gone too soon. In that balloon, I’m going to send off my bitterness, my regrets, my over whelming grief, my feelings of helplessness. I’m going to send forgiveness up to this person. I’m going to share what has changed in his son’s life in this year that he’s been gone. I’m going to finally let go.

I hope it doesn’t take me until next July to be able to emotionally let go of these feelings, but I also know it might. I do know, that every time I see a balloon floating by, I’m going to think of one bad thing that I can let go of, right then and there.

So, I believe in the power of helium balloons. Their wonder, their magic and their freedom in letting go.

I think I'm finally letting go....I miss my ex, my son misses him, but we are moving on and healing.  That's the best we can hope for, I think.